New Direction

Hello Wonderful People,

I've been home for a little while, and since then, I've learned how to manage my own website. I'll be archiving some of my favorite posts from here, and blogging about whole new ones from my trip to India. Please head here and give me some love comments.

www.stretchlaughlove.com/blog/

Sending so much love to all of you for reading and following and supporting.

Its been a long time.

Shouldn't have left you.
Without a dope beat to step to. Step 2:

Right now I am on the Gili Islands, struggling to finish homework before it is due. In the past few weeks I went to Penang, Malaysia and Medan, Indonesia. I fasted for Ramadhan with a local family and celebrated Hari Raya on Pulau Weh. I also got my Open Water Diver certificate here. I met some people, said goodbye to some others. And... I'm coming home in four or five days! I can't stop thinking about flushable toilets...

Sending love and smiles, as always - even though this leg of my trip is definitely less zen than the other parts. :)

Chiang Mai

Soooooo.... I have been in Chiang Mai, Thailand for a while. Most come here to take advantage of the gorgeous trekking, the opium, the hill tribes, and the peaceful Pai, but I did none of this. I spent five incredibly relaxing days doing yoga every morning for 3.5 hours. This also happened sometimes in the afternoon (4-6), and experimenting with some meditations at night for about 2 hours each. This along with my Udallas course load kept me very busy. Mix in 2 nights of going out on the town with my friends from Vang Vieng, and one amazing cooking class, and there you have it. :)

I have seen some of the most beautiful temples and met some of the most spiritually enlightening people. They have really inspired me to want my next trip to be to India. Maybe to learn from a circle of yogis?

Today I'm headed to Bangkok and on to Penang, Malaysia. Like an idiot, I tried to book a plane ticket online and chose the wrong destination as my arrival airport. So... instead of going to the islands, I'm headed to Penang (another island). For about three minutes I stressed about the non-refundable, non-changable nature of the flight, but then I just accepted it. I'm going to Penang!!! Woot! The ticket was only forty dollars, so I could just buy another one, but I'm learning how to let life take control a little bit.

I've been traveling around with some Israelis for the last few days. Last night we had an interesting conversation about what they feel when they see German backpackers like them. One said that this didn't affect him, although he has been apologized to before. The other said that seeing a German was like seeing a distant enemy, neither of you had much interest in communicating. What a difficult bridge to cross even two generations away. Just thought I'd share.

I miss you all. I'll be home in the next 18 days!

Thailand

After 15 hours in the Lao bus filled with people and chickens and vomit and sticky rice, seeing Thai skies seemed magical. I couldn't stop smiling when I thought of Melissa and Rebecca and Christina! We had such an awesome time in Thailand Christmas '07, and I would be lonely without them.

I took a minibus with some Scottish girls and a Chinese American guy with pin stripe dolphin shorts on. Haha. On the way I met two other girls, Nadia and Mirev. Nadia is a tall flowing dutch woman and Mirev a powerful Israeli with the loudest, most contagious laugh I've ever heard. The three of us found a room in Chiang Mai.

Nadia and I decided to do some yoga classes and meditation retreats, which have been AWESOME. I'll write more about them later. I still can't shake this traveler's sickness, so I have to peace to the toilette every half hour, yuck.

Luang Prabang

Memories of liquid poop and fever skate around the most beautiful collection of low lying waterfalls. Romantic as an enema.

Tubing in Vang Vieng

I'm in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I left out much of my Laos experience on this blog since I spent the most time traveling with others. To catch up a little:

Mateo Anna and I decided to head up to Vang Vieng to check out what all the rage was about with the tubing scene. For those of you who have never been to this part of the world, you know you are getting close to Vang Vieng by the number of tubing t-shirts you see flitting about. You can often see what travelers have done or where they have been by their clothes. This is often the best marketing tool for the region. For example: In Cambodia people buy clothes with monks holding umbrellas. In Vietnam almost everyone buys the red shirt with the yellow star in the middle or a Tintin au Vietnam tee. In Laos, everyone buys tubing t-shirts. Getting closer and closer to Vang Vieng you can start to separate those headed north and those headed south by this one difference. This t-shirt is such a purchase for most travelers, that some will buy the shirt before tubing so that they can wear it while tubing. Others, and I got to witness this personally, promptly drug their drunk carcasses out of the water with the sole motivation of stumbling to the nearest t-shirt shack to find their appropriate color and size. I didn’t buy one, but I did go tubing. I don't have any proof, per se, but you will just have to believe me.

For those of you who have any sort of conventional rural tubing in your head, meaning your butt in a hole, beer in your hand, and sunscreen on your face, lazing down the river, let me just stop you now. Tubing in Vang Vieng is more like Nickelodeon’s Guts propelled by alcohol and drugs and without the appropriate harnesses. In the town, you pay about 115,000 kip with your deposit for the day. A tuk-tuk packs you and 5 other sweaty foreigners under your tubes and you are shuffled to bar #1. The drinking starts before you even get in the water.

Upon arrival, I found myself watching 15 stationary people all focused below them. I wondered what was so interesting, so I checked my shoes and tube at the door. As I climbed the stairs, my periphery was sideswiped by a tiny Japanese woman flying through the air. I traced the wire she clung to to the top of a 50 or 60 foot tree where other people were lined up, ready to take the plunge. The heads in the crowd followed her decent into the water and subsequent efforts to beat the current into the shore. Holy gosh. What the hell?

A snapshot of things to come: Booze, river, current, trapeze, zip-line, drugs, naked, mud-wrestling, mud-volleyball, anything you needed to relive your hectic college years all in one day.

For those of you who have ever had the good fortune of seeing me struggle to get down a steep stairway, you will be delighted to know that I, Jessica Rhodes, jumped off the first jump zip-line trapeze. I convinced myself that it wasn’t scary, until about ½ way down, when I started screaming. I didn’t let go here, of course. I was too afraid of the drop, so I swung back up towards the bird’s nest. On the way back down my hands started to slip, but I decided to wait until the pinnacle to let go. Why? I don’t know. My goal was not to go as high as possible; I just saw so many other people waiting. This led to a fall into the water that sent me through multiple stages of my life. The first few seconds felt like freedom, but my anxiety continued to build on the way down. About 20 feet from the water I started to scream, sucking in laughs from the crowd and a whole heap of river water into my body. I must be crazy. When I finally stopped shaking, I was ready to go to the next bar, 15 meters away. This was not a lazy, calm experience. There were about 7 or 8 bars and only one sandwich shop. No wonder I saw so many people the next day walking around bandaged or limping. The last bar has a giant slide that you can go down if you buy alcohol, like you need anymore… After this, you tube down the river for about 45 of the most relaxing, peaceful minutes of the trip, at least, this is what I heard happens.

I had the pleasure of a stray tuber named Sasha latched on to my tube. His tall thin physique left his organs too close to the exterior of his body and when he wasn’t delightfully chatting, he was shaking like a leaf. I drunkenly handed him my soaking wet scarf to keep him warm, and did my best to keep us out of the main current. The other members in our group made it to shore before the city, leaving Sasha and I floating south at dusk. We drifted down the river for about 15 more minutes before we saw the lights of the city and the sillhoutes of children playing in the river. Three of them jumped on our tube, pulling us to the left, and away from the accidental trek to Cambodia. Wide-eyed, we watched as a figure sprinted on top of the water towards us. Defying gravity apparently impairs your reasoning capacity. We were in shallow water!! I jumped off the tube delighted, letting one of the kids run away with it. Sasha’s long body came in handy here, as he gadgeted his arms, swiping the tube away from the kid and saving my deposit. Thank you, my friend.

I forgot to mention the best part, I met someone named Trent that has been tubing for 252 days. This is both a mental and physical feat that I would certainly fail. It took me an entire day to get over the first day! Sasha and I are working out the rights to a TV show based around and staring him. More to come.

Vientaine and my Couchette

I just arrived to Vientaine and my first flushable toilet in a LONG time, and... it had toilet paper!! This is something I'll never again take advantage of. I was unaware of how many people in this world have no access to sanitation. I had seen the numbers and facts before, but I suppose you have to live it before it becomes a reality. Another few shocks were the electricity past 10pm and the hot shower at my guesthouse. I feel like I'm in a new powder fresh world. Interestingly enough, I can smell my armpits right now, for the first time in a long time. Maybe I washed too well?

My last days on Don Det were relaxing as ever and Salad's family continued to persuade me to come live with them. I continued to kindly reject these advances. I got on a small long boat with 12 other people to head to Pakse yesterday around 11:00am. We switched to a mini bus, and I got to Pakse around 2pm. I had 6 hours to kill here before I got in my sleeper bus to Vientaine. I don't know why I decided to skip the center of Laos. I guess the same reason I decided to skip the center of Vietnam... just a gut feeling. I met a professonal Brazillian volleyball player named Isabellia and a group of 6 french guys in Pakse. We were having a fine time, and I considered cancelling my bus and taking a motorbike around with the french guys, but I decided against it at the last minute. I decided that the temptation of breaking my celibacy vow had too high a potential of being broken with these nice french people, none of whom I felt particularly fond of.
YIKES, I sound stuck in my own head.

The truth is, I'm really in desperate need of some physical affection, a hug, a handshake even will do. The sleeping bus on the way to Vientaine was essentially a twin sized bed shared with someone I didn't know. Perhaps I would have been perturbed by this, but I felt lucky to even be sleeping close to someones feet! To give some background, around February of this year I experienced a relatively traumatic relationship ending and I promised myself 8 months of only thinking about me, of listening to what I needed. I am now at the end of month 6 and as lonely and proud and strong as I ever was.

They say that you can't love someone until you sufficiently love yourself, and I think this is true. I had just never experienced truly loving myself before. I've always dumped my time and thought and dedication into one (usually more than one) place. Here, I am forced to reflect on what it means to love yourself, what it means to be in the present moment.

I met a boy in Mongolia who made me feel free and safe and alive. It was the first time I felt a care and an appreciation so free of craving, free of the NEED that drives most passion. This was the most amazing experience. We met simply for one day, however, and then he was gone. His lack of physical presence hasn't erased him from my mind, however. Since then, I think about him everyday, which shows my weakness. I long for that feeling of safety and security. The thing is, he doesn't bring that. It comes from within me. I am just having trouble holding on to it!!! Somewhere inside, I still view partnership and love as a kind of salvation: "If you are loved, nothing else it really that serious." Now, the task at hand is to remove the first clause: Nothing is really that serious!! Only when I believe this, can I be a good partner for someone else.

I desire a partnership in which we can help each other grow as strong individuals. I think I finally understand what this means, but boy am I weak and lost. I think its ok if I still would like to see that boy again...

I am also experiencing my first trials in regards to my strength of reserve and calm. Today, I ate breakfast with my two roomates, Anne and Mateo. Anne is 39 yr old, newly made physio-therapist from London, and Mateo is a French Italian who reminds me of an old housemate of mine, Giovanni (minus all the complexes that go along with growing up in Texas). Anne made a comment at lunch about how she can't stand being in the minority in London anymore. She said that she hardly ever meets a white woman originally from the U.K. nowadays and she just wishes they would stop letting people in, so that they would stop taking the jobs. She has a job, by the way. Instead of listening with presence and diffusing the situation, I (relatively calmly) responded by citing how her inconvenience was but a tiny aspect of the pain and hardship that many of these refugees experienced in leaving their home countries. I felt my tension rising. I had to leave the situation to diffuse a potentially passionate response. I have such a strong tendancy to identify with my political positions that I must let go of. Breatheeeeeee....

I'm back in school now, so I've spent this whole time waiting for my exam guard to download on this computer. Now, I'm off to take a test in Global Managment Strategy. I love and think of you all often. Hugs and love all around. :)